my only.

I sit. wait.
 wait for a truth, a sigh of believing, a silent confirmation to still my thriving mind.
  I lose myself to the mysterious beauty surrounding.
     So much to be seen.        and never,
                                                  enough to quench.
Crying gulls gather. in a song.
                         a song of                                         Lonely.

I only... I only know that my                             Lonely        g r o w s ever.  for you I want.

a piece of my heart has wandered to you. and will return only when you surrender.
           ...and when I taste your smiling eyes; see your haven lips. to feel so right.   so REAL.
                                so      A L I V E.
      doubting then may fade.
   to be with you;           yes, anything. I would do anything.

if only.... if only I could feel you tonight.

my lips to want. to tell you. my only. my love.
you could suffice an answer; to my praying heart.

if only you were here;                                                   the mystery gone.

hand in hand; to walk into the shaping sun;
gulls no longer crying of                                Lonely.
    to feel the wind through us then;  it could be right.

I only...I only know;   I need you.
                                         so my     only     wait may end.

summer: lots lots lots on my mind.

so it's been forever and a day. and I can't sleep. my mind is racing at two million miles an hour. elder hunt left just over a month ago. so happy for him; he'll be great. everybody is LEAVING. I love missionaries though. they're the cutest ever... they're just so GOOD.

CALIFORNIA.

ummm. got home from california on wednesday. lovely month spent out there; quite the learning experience. just comes to show that nothing is ever as seems. people change, things go differently than you plan, nobody follows through. and then you realize; through growth and change; that you are stronger than you think.

going to the cardiff ward for church every sunday really is so good for me. I come to love the gospel so much more; and am so thankful for those amazing people who really teach by the spirit. they have impacted my life more than I think any will ever know.

I became so much closer to my dear friend Karissa. she's my sister. I couldn't think of her any other way; and I love her with every ounce of me. we laughed so hard our stomachs hurt. EVERY TIME. we are the same person. she's coming to BYU in january. and I can not WAIT for the day!

of course the beach was daily routine. sunset walks. bikerides through my favorite beach towns. wayyy to much good food. majorly?...: crab. mmmm. I wrote while I was there too. lots. I'll get on posting something. lots of hot tubs, tanning, movie nights. happy times.

HOME.

farty(conner)'s birthday was on saturday. eleven years old. he'll be a deacon in one year. so weird how fast it goes. love that lil boy though. took him to an owlz baseball game on friday for it. and to jcw's burger boys.

also, my beautiful cousin lindsay had her third baby girl on friday. luella dean. and she is perfect; I just want to hold her all the time! so congrats.

another big day friday; my daddy has a blood clot. he felt terrible thursday night; and got a blessing, which helped him through the night. thank goodness for the incredible power of the priesthood; and comfort it brings.

-so friday meant doctors and hospital. he got a CT scan done, they found the clot in his lower lung. there is more in his leg they're sure. which means he has to give himself shots in the stomach everyday, and take lots of medicine to thin his blood. I'm praying so hard for him to be better. it scares me. I love my dad so much, he's one of the best people I know. and he is the happiest of us all right now. goes to show how strong he is. I'm worried. I hope and pray the medicines work.