my only.

I sit. wait.
 wait for a truth, a sigh of believing, a silent confirmation to still my thriving mind.
  I lose myself to the mysterious beauty surrounding.
     So much to be seen.        and never,
                                                  enough to quench.
Crying gulls gather. in a song.
                         a song of                                         Lonely.

I only... I only know that my                             Lonely        g r o w s ever.  for you I want.

a piece of my heart has wandered to you. and will return only when you surrender.
           ...and when I taste your smiling eyes; see your haven lips. to feel so right.   so REAL.
                                so      A L I V E.
      doubting then may fade.
   to be with you;           yes, anything. I would do anything.

if only.... if only I could feel you tonight.

my lips to want. to tell you. my only. my love.
you could suffice an answer; to my praying heart.

if only you were here;                                                   the mystery gone.

hand in hand; to walk into the shaping sun;
gulls no longer crying of                                Lonely.
    to feel the wind through us then;  it could be right.

I only...I only know;   I need you.
                                         so my     only     wait may end.

summer: lots lots lots on my mind.

so it's been forever and a day. and I can't sleep. my mind is racing at two million miles an hour. elder hunt left just over a month ago. so happy for him; he'll be great. everybody is LEAVING. I love missionaries though. they're the cutest ever... they're just so GOOD.

CALIFORNIA.

ummm. got home from california on wednesday. lovely month spent out there; quite the learning experience. just comes to show that nothing is ever as seems. people change, things go differently than you plan, nobody follows through. and then you realize; through growth and change; that you are stronger than you think.

going to the cardiff ward for church every sunday really is so good for me. I come to love the gospel so much more; and am so thankful for those amazing people who really teach by the spirit. they have impacted my life more than I think any will ever know.

I became so much closer to my dear friend Karissa. she's my sister. I couldn't think of her any other way; and I love her with every ounce of me. we laughed so hard our stomachs hurt. EVERY TIME. we are the same person. she's coming to BYU in january. and I can not WAIT for the day!

of course the beach was daily routine. sunset walks. bikerides through my favorite beach towns. wayyy to much good food. majorly?...: crab. mmmm. I wrote while I was there too. lots. I'll get on posting something. lots of hot tubs, tanning, movie nights. happy times.

HOME.

farty(conner)'s birthday was on saturday. eleven years old. he'll be a deacon in one year. so weird how fast it goes. love that lil boy though. took him to an owlz baseball game on friday for it. and to jcw's burger boys.

also, my beautiful cousin lindsay had her third baby girl on friday. luella dean. and she is perfect; I just want to hold her all the time! so congrats.

another big day friday; my daddy has a blood clot. he felt terrible thursday night; and got a blessing, which helped him through the night. thank goodness for the incredible power of the priesthood; and comfort it brings.

-so friday meant doctors and hospital. he got a CT scan done, they found the clot in his lower lung. there is more in his leg they're sure. which means he has to give himself shots in the stomach everyday, and take lots of medicine to thin his blood. I'm praying so hard for him to be better. it scares me. I love my dad so much, he's one of the best people I know. and he is the happiest of us all right now. goes to show how strong he is. I'm worried. I hope and pray the medicines work.

My Dear Mom. Happy Mother's Day:)

Today is the day of Mothers. Mother's Day...and with reasonable bragging rights, I have the BEST mom in the whole universe:)

She is everything I want to be, wish I could be, and hope to become. She is the strongest woman I know; she's been through a lot of hell in her life... but she is happy and ALWAYS positive. She takes everything she can from trials and experience and applies them in her life to be better. 

 

  She always, always stands up for what she knows is right.

  She is kind to everybody... doesn't matter their character, their choices, their looks or their actions. 
  She genuinely loves people and wants to help; nothing she does is for show or approval of others. 

  She is independent.

  She's smart.
  She's honest.
  She's simple...always says it like it is whether we like it or not. 
  She is funny, outgoing, and loves to have fun.
  Her priority is family; and she gives every bit of herself to being there for us.
  She is ALWAYS right.
  She's beautiful. 
  She loves the Lord;
  teaches me to have faith, to pray, to read my scriptures, to pray.

  She never has to please or impress people. She is always just herself:)

  She makes me laugh, especially when she laughs at herself!!
  --(And she laughs at me. Even though I'm not funny.)

  She is the only person I trust to tell everything to.
  She's the first person I talk to in the morning, and the last person at night.
  She puts up with me and all my stupid-ness...
  --and answers my 80 phone calls a day.
  She stays up late with me when I'm upset, or hyper, or just can't sleep because I drank caffeine.
  She takes care of us when we're sick or sad.

  She pushes me in school and in my talents.

  She keeps us all sane, and helps us when we're stressed.

  She is christlike, giving, serving.
  I wouldn't be who I am without her...She is my best friend in the entire world, and I love her so much!

  In other words...My mom is the most perfect person I know!

  

     MOM...you're the greatest mom anyone could ever ask for. Thank you:) and Happy Mother's Day! I love you to the end of counting and lots, lots more:) 

all in all, good week.

this week was a long one. I was at the school for 8 or 9 hours on monday and tuesday dancing. and then our daunting concert finally came. I'm not the greatest dancer, I guess you could say. so I wasn't all that excited. but it's over now. and we had some funny times in the process. amelia pullman (love her to pieces) thinks I have weird food. in my defense, it's not WEIRD, it's healthy. green peppers, carrots, chicken, blueberries and apples aren't weird. maybe it was cause my mommy had packed it all in a cooler for me to have during our torturously long rehearsal. hah but amelia..SHE had never eaten a BLUEBERRY before tuesday. she's weird. not my food. made me laugh though, really hard. and had an AP stats test that I didn't do to well on. the actual test is next week. 
so yeah, we were all pretty onery. but that's okay it all turned out dandy. coldstone and yogurt bliss are way good. especially when they sing songs about ice ream to disney tunes in coldstone. I want to work there! I found lipstick that I absolutely adore. and I found a dress to wear to centennial ball in St. George next weekend. as for this friday and saturday, I didn't do much. stayed at home with my family; what usually happens come weekends. family was here from california though, so I was extremely excited to see them... they are the funniest people. and I wish we could see them more; they really feel like family. ooh and my lovely friend left me to go on an exotic CRUISE. darnit. crazy week. long week. but it was still a good week.

sunday. and prom.

today I overslept, missed going to church. and woke up two hours after I was supposed to be there. kind of confused. as to why I wasn't annoyingly awakened by one of my parents, like every sunday.  but oh well I figured; parents would have already been gone to teach their sunbeam class anyway.  so I layed in bed until they got home, reading Fool Me Twice. I like to read in the mornings. a lot. everybody always tells me they think that I don't fit the "reading type."  whatever that is. I love to read.
and then back to the point, my mom comes in and asks me why I didn't go to church. with the look. you know.. the look that every mother can give you when they're a lil disappointed. because they thought you were going to do something and you didn't. but it made me feel bad, and I wanted to go to church anyway, so I went to another ward. oddball out. by myself. in the back. which to be completely honest, I love. I love to do things by myself. It reminded me of the summer when I got to go to church in Cardiff.
due to getting home in an antsy mood (and in a effort to avoid my crazy grandma's moaning), I cleaned. Like dusted and shined all the antiques and pots and teasets that my mom loves to keep in the kitchen. talk about choking on dust.  to my pleasure my family also decided to go on a sunday drive. which took us to cracker barrel. country cookin. nothing better on a sunday.
came home. read the ward newsletter...mmm wasn't super impressed. it's so monotonous. but I always love to read my cousin's missionary letters. so all in all, good day.

It's also been over a week since I went to prom. and my outing the mall last night was a reminder. all the cute couples were at dinner and looked oh so pretty. I loved prom. I'd dreamed about it since I was like four years old... every little girl's fairytale. to just be a princess for a night and do your hair and makeup all fancy. definitely what it was named out to be. went with zachy. my lovely hick friend. and despite some rain clouds four-wheeling date and a few ugly corsage mishaps, we had a total BLAST. thought I'd post a couple pictures.

welcome to blogging.

so, I've never been one who's much for blogging, but I figured it would be a good way to put my thoughts into words. keep track of everything. sort of like an online journal. now that facebook's out of the picture here, there's no where to write my stuff down except in my actual paper journal.  not that there's anything wrong with that; actually writing it down has sort of a charm to it. almost an old world reminisence of tradition and magic.  but my hand eventually tires and I need something easier. thus, my entrance into the world of blogs. and. to everybody who might read this, thank you for being interested. and hello(: